Married to an only child? What you need to know

Having discussed the importance of birth order previously, I'd now like to have a closer look at the only child. With the number of only children increasing in our society, it's useful to understand these often delightful individuals, particularly if you find yourself married to one (see footnote).
You might be an only child yourself, in which case this article might help you to know and accept yourself more. Or, like an increasing number of Australians, you might be the parent of an only child. (In the most recent census, 13.2 per cent of women aged 40 to 44 years had just one child compared with 8 per cent in 1981.)
As with all birth positions, being an only child comes with advantages and disadvantages. The key benefits are that only children tend to do well academically and tend to have a healthy self-esteem. On the down side, they can feel more pressured than other people and take things more to heart.
In previous generations, having an only child was most often due to some misfortune such as divorce or death or secondary infertility. In contemporary society, however, choice is much more of a factor, along with divorce and the tendency to have children later.
In marriage or a similar partnership, being aware of the following only-child traits will help you to have a more harmonious life, if you can make allowances for them:
• Only children need more time and space to themselves than other people do. As children they learnt to enjoy their own games and fantasy life and consequently could feel interrupted by the attentions of their interested, well-intentioned parents.
• Not surprisingly, they don't like being interrupted when they're absorbed in a project or, for example, a quiet period of reading (although they will interrupt others). Choose your moment sensitively - they will appreciate it.  
• They can easily feel suffocated by relationships.
• They can be prone to the odd tantrum.
• They like to be organised and have a schedule. They're likely to be the list-makers among us.
• To make up for not having siblings, only children will often form very strong bonds with particular friends. They are also likely to create a substitute family from their wider circle.
Naturally, only children share many of the characteristics ascribed to first-born children. After all, they are first-borns too. The main difference is that they never experienced being displaced by a new arrival, and the pang of jealousy that can accompany that.
Life without siblings can also mean that only children will take disagreements very personally. They haven't learnt in the normal daily run of things that it's possible to be furious with someone in the morning and best friends again in the afternoon.
Growing up, only children haven't had to take turns for the shower or the right to choose television programs, so they can be impatient - explosive even - when things don't go their way. They're also not great with surprises and sudden changes of plan.
Only children seem to have an even stronger need for recognition than other first-borns, which comes from wanting to please their parents so much. For some, this need will never be satisfactorily filled. They can be quite hard on themselves, and this can be frustrating for loved ones who want them to be happy with what they have.
Many factors act to strengthen or dilute the characteristics of any birth position, and one of the most important is the parents' relationship. Given the intensity of the only child's relationship with the parents, in general this will impact on them more than for children with siblings.
One of the greatest difficulties for only children comes later in life, when they have to care for their ageing parents with no one else who can share the emotional and physical burden in quite the same way. Losing their parents can be devastating, particularly when the remaining one passes away. Suddenly there's no one who shares their memories of significant episodes in their early family life, and this is a lonely place.
If you're married to an only child who is experiencing this, be gentle. You can't fill this aching gap, and you might even experience some underlying resentment from them for that, but you can try to be as patient and empathetic as possible.

Footnote: My husband and child are both much-adored only children.